Sperm donor kids speak up
A survey of now grown children who were conceived with the aid of donor sperm revealed that many struggle with the way in which they were created. The Commission on Parenthood’s Future, who carried out this probe, says that more than half of their respondents felt uneasy about their conception. Most sperm donor children who took part in the survey say that, whenever they see someone on the street who looks like them, they can’t help but wonder if they are a blood relative. The vast majority of those surveyed are very much in favor of ID release donors, so that future sperm donor children will at least be aware of their biological roots.
Furthermore, many of those who were surveyed feel “weird” about having been conceived in a test tube, and dislike the fact that money was involved in their conception. The British Daily Mail interviewed several of those who took part in the Commission on Parenthood’s Future survey and a clear picture emerges from those interviews.
It looks like those who took part in the survey all have similar backgrounds. Conceived through IVF, most are now in their twenties. They were born into families with married parents, and often not told until their teens or even adulthood that they were conceived with the help of a sperm donor. Often, the parents themselves appeared to have big psychologist problems with the fact they used a donor. Many of those interview by the Daily Mail were told how they came to be in the middle of an argument, and battled identity crises for many years.
I understand how they feel. I don’t doubt that the lack of transparency would leave me feeling cheated, lied to, by the people who I thought were my parents. The Daily Mail does not portray the stories of people who grew up knowing they were made with donor sperm, or children of single mothers by choice.
The participants of the survey all seem to have been conceived through IVF, and the study disregards the numerous other insemination options out there. There is at-home insemination, and Intrauterine Insemination (IUI), for instance. Nobody compels parents who used sperm donors to lie to their children, either.
I have no doubt that the stories of children whose parents were completely open and honest about the way in which their children were made would be slightly different. The biggest problem in this story seems to be deception, not sperm donors.
What do you think? If you used a sperm donor to conceive your children, when did you first tell them about this? Do you think that ID release donors help people conceived with donor sperm feel more secure about their identity? Were you conceived with the help of donor sperm? We’d love to hear your take on this story!

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Please see the full 140 page report available free at FamilyScholars.org
A summary of 15 major findings is available there as well.
My thanks
Elizabeth Marquardt
co-investigator, My Daddy’s Name is Donor
member, Commission on Parenthood’s Future
Thanks for that, Elizabeth! I will be reading the full report with much interest! Hopefully, there will be more angles than the one the Mail provided
.
I believe you are incorrect in stating that the children in this donor sperm study were conceived through IVF. Artificial insemination using donor sperm is not the same as IVF, and everything I’ve read about the study says it addresses AI, not IVF children. Except in very unusual circumstances, IVF treatments use the woman’s husband’s sperm, not anonymous donors. Perhaps you could get the authors to confirm or clarify for you.
The study is available through the internet, so you are able to read it yourself.
I have read numerous reports, studies and articles concerning how donor conceived children have such a difficult time with the fact they were conceived through donor sperm or eggs. My husband (who is adopted) and I will be using DS for our child. We have been discussing whether or not to tell them about how they were conceived. After all the research it seems that not telling them would be the best thing we could do for the emotional well being of our child. I would never want my child to feel like “half a person” or that they had no connection with their father. Better to feel 100% loved and never known where the sperm came from then to feel “isolated” or have an identity crisis because you know the truth. In one article a women was told when she was 7 years old and felt forever disconnected from her father. In another story a woman was told at 19 and resented her mother. Apparently there is no good age to tell your child so we will opt not to tell our hopefully blissfully ignorant, well adjusted and loved child to be.
I’ve known I was donor conceived for as long as I can remember, and I’ve never been ok with it. Quite frankly it sucks. I feel like nobody understands what I’m going through, and my parents would be hurt if I expressed an interest in finding my donor father. Not telling your child is not a good solution. Because ultimately you are lying, and it is not fair to the child. You’re just deciding for them, that they cant know about half of who they are. I know from experience that growing up in a loving environment does not help. It does not soften the blow. And keeping it from your child is ultimately going to be the cause of any resentment. Just because we aren’t there to give our input on the decision you (our parents) are making, does not by any means excuse the fact that you are denying us that part of who we are. I myself am 100% against any form of sperm donation where the biological father is not kept in the child in question’s life the entire time. Just because I resent the way I came into this world does not mean I’m ‘suicidal’ or that I wish I was never born. It just means that in the future, I hope children don’t have to go through the feelings of loss, abandonment, and the wonders of why their fathers didn’t want them that I did.